Be Not Afraid - To Put Yourself First

Imagine being a fire woman and getting a call to the station that a fire is burning with a family inside - a mom, a dad and 2 children. Your first thought is to make the selfless decision to get to the fire as fast as you can to save this family. In order to save time and to make this rescue happen as quickly as possible, you make the conscious decision to enter the burning fire to save their lives with no protective gear, no gas mask, nothing that is fire retardant, nothing that repels or protects your body from being burned by the flames. You selflessly leave the station as quickly as possible, not taking the time to "gear-up", risking yourself and your life to save the lives of others.

This is the equivalent of being a mom who selflessly sacrifices herself for the sake of her kids and family. A woman who gives and gives to the point of neglecting herself does so with the BEST intentions - to provide the best love, support, education, comfort and nourishment that her children and family need. She somehow feels empowered when she feels that she is sacrificing her needs, wants and desires so that her children and family can flourish and have their needs met. However, just as the above scenario indicates, in all likelihood at some point, the mom is going to get burned or rather burnt-out (no pun intended).

The person entering the fire may save a few lives, but unprotected themselves, eventually they can no longer withstand the harsh conditions and may possibly suffocate from smoke inhalation, get burned, or be unable to save themselves and the lives of others. A mother who gives endlessly without giving to self as well, will eventually suffer from exhaustion, lack of optimal health and happiness and possibly anger, depression and resentment.

Had the person who entered the fire taken a few moments to protect themselves first, the outcome may have been different. They may have had the protection needed to save 2 lives instead of 1, 3 lives instead of 2. They may have had the protection and endurance needed to make it out alive. In the proper gear, they could have breathed a little longer, withstood the heat and the flames a little longer because they consciously chose to protect themselves first.

Likewise, if we as mothers find balance in being selfless and selfish we too can save ourselves, our children and our families. When we consciously choose to put ourselves first (with the unspoken understanding that G-d is ALWAYS first priority in our lives), we are consciously choosing to save 2 children instead of 1, 3 children instead of 2. When we spend on our own souls/selves, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and yes even financially, we are consciously choosing and acknowledging the inherent value and power in having high quality interactions with our kids and family.

At times, moms may neglect self to focus on the quantity of time that is spent with kids and family. However, if the quantity of time is not fully embraced with quality, then we selfishly cause deterioration of invaluable relationships with ourselves, spouse, children and others. Fatigue, exhaustion, lack of patience and lack of fulfillment can creep into our lives and create a space of chaos and negativity rather than the peace, happiness, contentment and tranquility that we all seek and desire.

So I challenge all moms, myself definitely included - be not afraid to put yourself, your health and your happiness first. It may not always be the easiest thing to facilitate, but make yourself and your survival, your personal nurturing and self-fulfillment a VERY important priority in your life. Your true strength literally and figuratively, is found in your mutual selflessness and selfishness. It takes great courage and strength, for me anyways, to not feel guilty about not giving all of myself to my kids and family. (Positive self-talk: Tell yourself, I am a pretty fabulous person myself and I deserve to have a quality piece of me as well.)

Think of a rested, healthier, happier you. Imagine all the lives that you can enhance and save, including your own, when you are at your best. Rest, Recuperation, Rejuvenation - make these 3 Rs a Regular Routine in your daily life and the ripple effects will be profound. Be not afraid ...

Pain & Pressure - A Mercy

Recently, while at Friday prayer service, the Imam told the story of a little girl born with a full set of teeth and as her parents and doctors would later learn an "inability to feel pain".  One day, the girl's parents walked in to find the little girl laughing as she was biting through her finger(s).  It became very clear, as the Imam conveyed, that the ability to feel pain is definitely a Mercy.  But it is perhaps not something that many of us have contemplated or given much thought to.

As I have been reflecting on life's challenges and tests as of late, I began to think about how the pain and pressure of childbirth is a Mercy.  This pain and pressure within the woman gives birth to new life.  The new life that comes forth, the new life that is born is a Mercy.  While the pain and pressure of labor are not the most pleasant feelings in the world, they are a sign of something good to come - new life, if that is G-d's Will.  Being in the womb in the water with an unlimited source of nourishment is definitely a Mercy and protection for the baby as well.  But at some point the baby is ready to emerge forth from the veils of triple darkness into the light.  Mom's pelvic muscles go to work long before the actual date of birth.  The "mild" Braxton's hicks contractions prepare her body for the even more intense contractions of labor.  

When the baby is ready, when the baby is head down, prostrating him/herself to G-d saying "I submit and I am ready to emerge into this new world",  pain and the pressure allow "an expansion" to take place.   Eventually, the water breaks, burst forth and the painful contractions finally allow the baby to emerge into this world, crying and ready to meet, see, be touched and held by mom and dad.  The pain and pressure allow tears of happiness to flow from the eyes of the mother and the father for the blessing that is before them - new life, their seed, an expansion of themselves, their family, their future, G-d's extension of their life.

The same is true of the pains and pressures of everyday life - the pains and pressures of everyday life, while uncomfortable, give birth to new life, give birth to new ideas, give birth to a new undiscovered self, a new person.  The pains and pressures of everyday life are a Mercy.  They force us to rely more heavily upon our Faith & Belief.  They force us to rely more upon our relationships with family and friends.  They force us to feel, to be fully in touch with our emotions, to be more compassionate - to be human.  They force us to re-examine our priorities in life.  Pain and pressure educate us.  We learn - in the process of feeling pain and pressure.  Pain and pressure force us to think outside of the box.  Pain and pressure force us to create and to be creative.  Pain and pressure force us to look at our inner selves - to paint a new picture, to do some soul searching, to polish our souls, to work on ourselves and our relationship with the Creator.  

We are all part of G-d's creation.  Precious stones & gems are also a part of Mother Nature.  We have all heard the term "diamond in the rough".  

The Urban Dictionary defines "diamond in the rough" as "Someone (or something) that has hidden exceptional characteristics and/or future potential, but currently lacks the final touches that would make them (or it) truly stand out from the crowd.  The phrase is metaphorical and relates to the fact that naturally occurring diamonds are quite ordinary at first glance, and that their true beauty as jewels is only realized through the cutting and polishing process."  

Wikipedia states "most natural diamonds are formed at high-pressure high-temperature conditions existing at depths of 140 to 190 kilometers (87 to 120 mi) in the Earth's mantle".   

We are all "diamonds in the rough" full of unlimited potential and promise.  The pains and pressures of life refine, evolve, shape, mold & mature us into our "best" selves inside.  If all goes well, we emerge from the depths of darkness stronger in Faith & Belief, stronger in our convictions and principles, stronger in our desire to live and fulfill our life's purpose.  

The pains and pressures of childbirth, though some of the most excruciating in my life,  brought forth 2 of the most beautiful, precious, priceless diamonds that I possess - my daughter and my son.  For that pain and that pressure, for that Mercy, I humbly thank G-d and I will always be eternally grateful.  And if given the chance, I would do it all over again.  

My cousin posted recently on FB,  "No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It’s what you do afterwards that counts, that’s when you find out who you are."  


None of us ask for pain and pressure in our lives, but remember pain and pressure brought us all into this world.  Pain and pressure help us to find our true beauty inside - to find out who we really are and who we are meant to be.