A Mother's Conversation With Herself

"I am tired today.  My body is tired.  My back is tired.  I am tired.  I need rest.  I need sleep.  I need free time.  I need peace.  I need me.  I can feel that I am operating in superwoman mode - where you give despite having nothing left to give.

I pull from deep within and find the strength from somewhere ... from somewhere ... from somewhere deep within.

Mind over matter.  Mind over reality.

My reality says that I must heal.  My reality says that I must go deep within myself to rest, to rest to heal, to heal to rest.

The spirit within me says that I must fight for my children.  That I must  find a way to expose them to new opportunities, to new places, to new experiences despite being worn down, despite being tired, despite being physically weak.

I am mentally strong and this mental strength propels me forward despite needing to rest, despite needing to care for myself.  Despite needing to heal, despite needing new energy.  Despite needing quiet, peaceful solitude.

I am here ... listening to the drums of my ancestors, listening to the sounds of my ancestors, listening to the Heartprints of Harriet Tubman, listening to the Heartprints of Sojourner Truth, listening to the Heartprints of My Mother, listening to the Heartprints of Me."

Ameen - G-d is with those who Believe, have Faith, and put their Trust in Him.

Pain & Pressure - A Mercy

Recently, while at Friday prayer service, the Imam told the story of a little girl born with a full set of teeth and as her parents and doctors would later learn an "inability to feel pain".  One day, the girl's parents walked in to find the little girl laughing as she was biting through her finger(s).  It became very clear, as the Imam conveyed, that the ability to feel pain is definitely a Mercy.  But it is perhaps not something that many of us have contemplated or given much thought to.

As I have been reflecting on life's challenges and tests as of late, I began to think about how the pain and pressure of childbirth is a Mercy.  This pain and pressure within the woman gives birth to new life.  The new life that comes forth, the new life that is born is a Mercy.  While the pain and pressure of labor are not the most pleasant feelings in the world, they are a sign of something good to come - new life, if that is G-d's Will.  Being in the womb in the water with an unlimited source of nourishment is definitely a Mercy and protection for the baby as well.  But at some point the baby is ready to emerge forth from the veils of triple darkness into the light.  Mom's pelvic muscles go to work long before the actual date of birth.  The "mild" Braxton's hicks contractions prepare her body for the even more intense contractions of labor.  

When the baby is ready, when the baby is head down, prostrating him/herself to G-d saying "I submit and I am ready to emerge into this new world",  pain and the pressure allow "an expansion" to take place.   Eventually, the water breaks, burst forth and the painful contractions finally allow the baby to emerge into this world, crying and ready to meet, see, be touched and held by mom and dad.  The pain and pressure allow tears of happiness to flow from the eyes of the mother and the father for the blessing that is before them - new life, their seed, an expansion of themselves, their family, their future, G-d's extension of their life.

The same is true of the pains and pressures of everyday life - the pains and pressures of everyday life, while uncomfortable, give birth to new life, give birth to new ideas, give birth to a new undiscovered self, a new person.  The pains and pressures of everyday life are a Mercy.  They force us to rely more heavily upon our Faith & Belief.  They force us to rely more upon our relationships with family and friends.  They force us to feel, to be fully in touch with our emotions, to be more compassionate - to be human.  They force us to re-examine our priorities in life.  Pain and pressure educate us.  We learn - in the process of feeling pain and pressure.  Pain and pressure force us to think outside of the box.  Pain and pressure force us to create and to be creative.  Pain and pressure force us to look at our inner selves - to paint a new picture, to do some soul searching, to polish our souls, to work on ourselves and our relationship with the Creator.  

We are all part of G-d's creation.  Precious stones & gems are also a part of Mother Nature.  We have all heard the term "diamond in the rough".  

The Urban Dictionary defines "diamond in the rough" as "Someone (or something) that has hidden exceptional characteristics and/or future potential, but currently lacks the final touches that would make them (or it) truly stand out from the crowd.  The phrase is metaphorical and relates to the fact that naturally occurring diamonds are quite ordinary at first glance, and that their true beauty as jewels is only realized through the cutting and polishing process."  

Wikipedia states "most natural diamonds are formed at high-pressure high-temperature conditions existing at depths of 140 to 190 kilometers (87 to 120 mi) in the Earth's mantle".   

We are all "diamonds in the rough" full of unlimited potential and promise.  The pains and pressures of life refine, evolve, shape, mold & mature us into our "best" selves inside.  If all goes well, we emerge from the depths of darkness stronger in Faith & Belief, stronger in our convictions and principles, stronger in our desire to live and fulfill our life's purpose.  

The pains and pressures of childbirth, though some of the most excruciating in my life,  brought forth 2 of the most beautiful, precious, priceless diamonds that I possess - my daughter and my son.  For that pain and that pressure, for that Mercy, I humbly thank G-d and I will always be eternally grateful.  And if given the chance, I would do it all over again.  

My cousin posted recently on FB,  "No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It’s what you do afterwards that counts, that’s when you find out who you are."  


None of us ask for pain and pressure in our lives, but remember pain and pressure brought us all into this world.  Pain and pressure help us to find our true beauty inside - to find out who we really are and who we are meant to be.