Be Not Afraid - To Put Yourself First

Imagine being a fire woman and getting a call to the station that a fire is burning with a family inside - a mom, a dad and 2 children. Your first thought is to make the selfless decision to get to the fire as fast as you can to save this family. In order to save time and to make this rescue happen as quickly as possible, you make the conscious decision to enter the burning fire to save their lives with no protective gear, no gas mask, nothing that is fire retardant, nothing that repels or protects your body from being burned by the flames. You selflessly leave the station as quickly as possible, not taking the time to "gear-up", risking yourself and your life to save the lives of others.

This is the equivalent of being a mom who selflessly sacrifices herself for the sake of her kids and family. A woman who gives and gives to the point of neglecting herself does so with the BEST intentions - to provide the best love, support, education, comfort and nourishment that her children and family need. She somehow feels empowered when she feels that she is sacrificing her needs, wants and desires so that her children and family can flourish and have their needs met. However, just as the above scenario indicates, in all likelihood at some point, the mom is going to get burned or rather burnt-out (no pun intended).

The person entering the fire may save a few lives, but unprotected themselves, eventually they can no longer withstand the harsh conditions and may possibly suffocate from smoke inhalation, get burned, or be unable to save themselves and the lives of others. A mother who gives endlessly without giving to self as well, will eventually suffer from exhaustion, lack of optimal health and happiness and possibly anger, depression and resentment.

Had the person who entered the fire taken a few moments to protect themselves first, the outcome may have been different. They may have had the protection needed to save 2 lives instead of 1, 3 lives instead of 2. They may have had the protection and endurance needed to make it out alive. In the proper gear, they could have breathed a little longer, withstood the heat and the flames a little longer because they consciously chose to protect themselves first.

Likewise, if we as mothers find balance in being selfless and selfish we too can save ourselves, our children and our families. When we consciously choose to put ourselves first (with the unspoken understanding that G-d is ALWAYS first priority in our lives), we are consciously choosing to save 2 children instead of 1, 3 children instead of 2. When we spend on our own souls/selves, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and yes even financially, we are consciously choosing and acknowledging the inherent value and power in having high quality interactions with our kids and family.

At times, moms may neglect self to focus on the quantity of time that is spent with kids and family. However, if the quantity of time is not fully embraced with quality, then we selfishly cause deterioration of invaluable relationships with ourselves, spouse, children and others. Fatigue, exhaustion, lack of patience and lack of fulfillment can creep into our lives and create a space of chaos and negativity rather than the peace, happiness, contentment and tranquility that we all seek and desire.

So I challenge all moms, myself definitely included - be not afraid to put yourself, your health and your happiness first. It may not always be the easiest thing to facilitate, but make yourself and your survival, your personal nurturing and self-fulfillment a VERY important priority in your life. Your true strength literally and figuratively, is found in your mutual selflessness and selfishness. It takes great courage and strength, for me anyways, to not feel guilty about not giving all of myself to my kids and family. (Positive self-talk: Tell yourself, I am a pretty fabulous person myself and I deserve to have a quality piece of me as well.)

Think of a rested, healthier, happier you. Imagine all the lives that you can enhance and save, including your own, when you are at your best. Rest, Recuperation, Rejuvenation - make these 3 Rs a Regular Routine in your daily life and the ripple effects will be profound. Be not afraid ...

A Mother's Conversation With Herself

"I am tired today.  My body is tired.  My back is tired.  I am tired.  I need rest.  I need sleep.  I need free time.  I need peace.  I need me.  I can feel that I am operating in superwoman mode - where you give despite having nothing left to give.

I pull from deep within and find the strength from somewhere ... from somewhere ... from somewhere deep within.

Mind over matter.  Mind over reality.

My reality says that I must heal.  My reality says that I must go deep within myself to rest, to rest to heal, to heal to rest.

The spirit within me says that I must fight for my children.  That I must  find a way to expose them to new opportunities, to new places, to new experiences despite being worn down, despite being tired, despite being physically weak.

I am mentally strong and this mental strength propels me forward despite needing to rest, despite needing to care for myself.  Despite needing to heal, despite needing new energy.  Despite needing quiet, peaceful solitude.

I am here ... listening to the drums of my ancestors, listening to the sounds of my ancestors, listening to the Heartprints of Harriet Tubman, listening to the Heartprints of Sojourner Truth, listening to the Heartprints of My Mother, listening to the Heartprints of Me."

Ameen - G-d is with those who Believe, have Faith, and put their Trust in Him.