Be Not Afraid - To Put Yourself First

Imagine being a fire woman and getting a call to the station that a fire is burning with a family inside - a mom, a dad and 2 children. Your first thought is to make the selfless decision to get to the fire as fast as you can to save this family. In order to save time and to make this rescue happen as quickly as possible, you make the conscious decision to enter the burning fire to save their lives with no protective gear, no gas mask, nothing that is fire retardant, nothing that repels or protects your body from being burned by the flames. You selflessly leave the station as quickly as possible, not taking the time to "gear-up", risking yourself and your life to save the lives of others.

This is the equivalent of being a mom who selflessly sacrifices herself for the sake of her kids and family. A woman who gives and gives to the point of neglecting herself does so with the BEST intentions - to provide the best love, support, education, comfort and nourishment that her children and family need. She somehow feels empowered when she feels that she is sacrificing her needs, wants and desires so that her children and family can flourish and have their needs met. However, just as the above scenario indicates, in all likelihood at some point, the mom is going to get burned or rather burnt-out (no pun intended).

The person entering the fire may save a few lives, but unprotected themselves, eventually they can no longer withstand the harsh conditions and may possibly suffocate from smoke inhalation, get burned, or be unable to save themselves and the lives of others. A mother who gives endlessly without giving to self as well, will eventually suffer from exhaustion, lack of optimal health and happiness and possibly anger, depression and resentment.

Had the person who entered the fire taken a few moments to protect themselves first, the outcome may have been different. They may have had the protection needed to save 2 lives instead of 1, 3 lives instead of 2. They may have had the protection and endurance needed to make it out alive. In the proper gear, they could have breathed a little longer, withstood the heat and the flames a little longer because they consciously chose to protect themselves first.

Likewise, if we as mothers find balance in being selfless and selfish we too can save ourselves, our children and our families. When we consciously choose to put ourselves first (with the unspoken understanding that G-d is ALWAYS first priority in our lives), we are consciously choosing to save 2 children instead of 1, 3 children instead of 2. When we spend on our own souls/selves, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and yes even financially, we are consciously choosing and acknowledging the inherent value and power in having high quality interactions with our kids and family.

At times, moms may neglect self to focus on the quantity of time that is spent with kids and family. However, if the quantity of time is not fully embraced with quality, then we selfishly cause deterioration of invaluable relationships with ourselves, spouse, children and others. Fatigue, exhaustion, lack of patience and lack of fulfillment can creep into our lives and create a space of chaos and negativity rather than the peace, happiness, contentment and tranquility that we all seek and desire.

So I challenge all moms, myself definitely included - be not afraid to put yourself, your health and your happiness first. It may not always be the easiest thing to facilitate, but make yourself and your survival, your personal nurturing and self-fulfillment a VERY important priority in your life. Your true strength literally and figuratively, is found in your mutual selflessness and selfishness. It takes great courage and strength, for me anyways, to not feel guilty about not giving all of myself to my kids and family. (Positive self-talk: Tell yourself, I am a pretty fabulous person myself and I deserve to have a quality piece of me as well.)

Think of a rested, healthier, happier you. Imagine all the lives that you can enhance and save, including your own, when you are at your best. Rest, Recuperation, Rejuvenation - make these 3 Rs a Regular Routine in your daily life and the ripple effects will be profound. Be not afraid ...

A Mother's Conversation With Herself

"I am tired today.  My body is tired.  My back is tired.  I am tired.  I need rest.  I need sleep.  I need free time.  I need peace.  I need me.  I can feel that I am operating in superwoman mode - where you give despite having nothing left to give.

I pull from deep within and find the strength from somewhere ... from somewhere ... from somewhere deep within.

Mind over matter.  Mind over reality.

My reality says that I must heal.  My reality says that I must go deep within myself to rest, to rest to heal, to heal to rest.

The spirit within me says that I must fight for my children.  That I must  find a way to expose them to new opportunities, to new places, to new experiences despite being worn down, despite being tired, despite being physically weak.

I am mentally strong and this mental strength propels me forward despite needing to rest, despite needing to care for myself.  Despite needing to heal, despite needing new energy.  Despite needing quiet, peaceful solitude.

I am here ... listening to the drums of my ancestors, listening to the sounds of my ancestors, listening to the Heartprints of Harriet Tubman, listening to the Heartprints of Sojourner Truth, listening to the Heartprints of My Mother, listening to the Heartprints of Me."

Ameen - G-d is with those who Believe, have Faith, and put their Trust in Him.

Pain & Pressure - A Mercy

Recently, while at Friday prayer service, the Imam told the story of a little girl born with a full set of teeth and as her parents and doctors would later learn an "inability to feel pain".  One day, the girl's parents walked in to find the little girl laughing as she was biting through her finger(s).  It became very clear, as the Imam conveyed, that the ability to feel pain is definitely a Mercy.  But it is perhaps not something that many of us have contemplated or given much thought to.

As I have been reflecting on life's challenges and tests as of late, I began to think about how the pain and pressure of childbirth is a Mercy.  This pain and pressure within the woman gives birth to new life.  The new life that comes forth, the new life that is born is a Mercy.  While the pain and pressure of labor are not the most pleasant feelings in the world, they are a sign of something good to come - new life, if that is G-d's Will.  Being in the womb in the water with an unlimited source of nourishment is definitely a Mercy and protection for the baby as well.  But at some point the baby is ready to emerge forth from the veils of triple darkness into the light.  Mom's pelvic muscles go to work long before the actual date of birth.  The "mild" Braxton's hicks contractions prepare her body for the even more intense contractions of labor.  

When the baby is ready, when the baby is head down, prostrating him/herself to G-d saying "I submit and I am ready to emerge into this new world",  pain and the pressure allow "an expansion" to take place.   Eventually, the water breaks, burst forth and the painful contractions finally allow the baby to emerge into this world, crying and ready to meet, see, be touched and held by mom and dad.  The pain and pressure allow tears of happiness to flow from the eyes of the mother and the father for the blessing that is before them - new life, their seed, an expansion of themselves, their family, their future, G-d's extension of their life.

The same is true of the pains and pressures of everyday life - the pains and pressures of everyday life, while uncomfortable, give birth to new life, give birth to new ideas, give birth to a new undiscovered self, a new person.  The pains and pressures of everyday life are a Mercy.  They force us to rely more heavily upon our Faith & Belief.  They force us to rely more upon our relationships with family and friends.  They force us to feel, to be fully in touch with our emotions, to be more compassionate - to be human.  They force us to re-examine our priorities in life.  Pain and pressure educate us.  We learn - in the process of feeling pain and pressure.  Pain and pressure force us to think outside of the box.  Pain and pressure force us to create and to be creative.  Pain and pressure force us to look at our inner selves - to paint a new picture, to do some soul searching, to polish our souls, to work on ourselves and our relationship with the Creator.  

We are all part of G-d's creation.  Precious stones & gems are also a part of Mother Nature.  We have all heard the term "diamond in the rough".  

The Urban Dictionary defines "diamond in the rough" as "Someone (or something) that has hidden exceptional characteristics and/or future potential, but currently lacks the final touches that would make them (or it) truly stand out from the crowd.  The phrase is metaphorical and relates to the fact that naturally occurring diamonds are quite ordinary at first glance, and that their true beauty as jewels is only realized through the cutting and polishing process."  

Wikipedia states "most natural diamonds are formed at high-pressure high-temperature conditions existing at depths of 140 to 190 kilometers (87 to 120 mi) in the Earth's mantle".   

We are all "diamonds in the rough" full of unlimited potential and promise.  The pains and pressures of life refine, evolve, shape, mold & mature us into our "best" selves inside.  If all goes well, we emerge from the depths of darkness stronger in Faith & Belief, stronger in our convictions and principles, stronger in our desire to live and fulfill our life's purpose.  

The pains and pressures of childbirth, though some of the most excruciating in my life,  brought forth 2 of the most beautiful, precious, priceless diamonds that I possess - my daughter and my son.  For that pain and that pressure, for that Mercy, I humbly thank G-d and I will always be eternally grateful.  And if given the chance, I would do it all over again.  

My cousin posted recently on FB,  "No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It’s what you do afterwards that counts, that’s when you find out who you are."  


None of us ask for pain and pressure in our lives, but remember pain and pressure brought us all into this world.  Pain and pressure help us to find our true beauty inside - to find out who we really are and who we are meant to be.  

Do U Have a Keeper?

Peace B upon U!

A friend of mine refers to her husband as a keeper.

Ladies, do u have a keeper? Many times in marriage we are faced with various challenges with our mates. At times we feel like we are the only ones that are "going through". Throw kids into the mix and the challenges become even more complicated. So, how do you know if you have a keeper? In a recent interview with Oprah, our first lady, Michelle Obama, AKA - "our girl" Michelle (because she always keeps it real) states ... "Barack is a human being with flaws. And I can rattle down all the flaws and tease him about them everyday, but those flaws are not fundamental. They don't hit upon things that are intolerable to me. In terms of his core values, he has never disappointed me. He is a very consistent person - which is why I knew unequivocally that he would be a phenomenal president. He is steady. Has he made me mad? Yes. Does he sometimes do things that I don't like? Absolutely." Oprah responds, "That's called marriage." And Michelle so eloquently continues, "But as a human being, he has never disappointed. And I would hope he could say the same about me..." BEAUTIFUL is all I can say. Can I say simple, but yet so profound? They just keep it real ... they confirm that they are human just like us...they give us hope beyond hope. They confirm why G-d has placed them in the White House as role models for all the worlds to see and emulate - for all of humanity. So, if ever you are in the heat of the moment and you are a little frustrated with the challenges that marriage can sometimes bring, ask yourself - "Has he ever disappointed me as a human person? Am I perfect?" If the answer is no which I assume it will be (SMILE), then ask yourself, "Are his flaws fundamental?" If the answer is still no, then remind yourself that you have a keeper.

Are U ready?

Peace B Upon U,

Let me first say that my heart goes out to the family of Brother Ali Khan from Washington, D.C. I sincerely pray that the community near and far will envelope the Khan family with peace, love, & compassion at this time. We pray that G-d's Everlasting Peace, Love, Mercy, & Compassion will be with the family now and always.

As I think and reflect, I am reminded of the funeral of my beloved Grandmother. What comforted me most the day of her funeral was the question posed by the minister conducting the service. He said, "Mattie Mae was ready. Are you ready?" As a rising senior in college, this question was unexpected and thought provoking for me at the time. It was a beautfiul reminder of the wonderful person that my grandmother is in her words and deeds. She is a beautiful, gentle, peaceful, loving spirit & soul. I speak in the present because the body dies, but the soul lives on. I pray that G-d grant her Mercy, Peace, & Forgiveness & entrance into the next paradise.

With the unexpected passing of a dear beloved brother in our community and the recent unexpected passing of my dear, beloved leader Imam W.D. Mohammed in 2008, I am sure that we are all left to ask ourselves, "Are we ready?" In a recent Arabic class, it was explained that when we offer Janazah prayers, we "stand" in honor of the works done by the deceased because "standing" represents establishment. Likewise, even though we may physically die and we cannot literally speak, our works/what we establish in the world should "stand" and "speak" for us.

Scripture says, "To the righteous soul will be said 'Oh soul in complete rest and satisfaction! Return to your Lord, pleased (with self) and pleasing to Him. Enter among my workers. Enter My Paradise.'" (The Glorious Qur'an 89:27-30)

So, I ask ... Are our souls already in a state of having returned to our Lord before our physical bodies perish and can no longer perform acts of service - before our physical bodies are no longer here to stand up for and establish something for humanity? Have we already entered among G-d's Workers? Have our prodcutive actions allowed us to enter into a state of Peace & Paradise in this life?